You can't motorboat a personality
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
