distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
