last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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