I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize