You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
