Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
