He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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