Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it