Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize