I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions