Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
