Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
