He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
