...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
