Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
