please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
