i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
