The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
