help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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