I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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