no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we're making bets on your personal life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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