Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
