I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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