You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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