This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
