Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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