My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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