Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
