There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize