I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.