see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Im part way to drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.