Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.