The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.