I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
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You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I could fuck to npr.