If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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