He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
