your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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