Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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