who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cannot find my penis.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
