I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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