First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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