my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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