I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
