Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
