The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
