They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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