his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
