So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
