First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
