its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
