im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
