Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
