Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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