u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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