I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
