you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
