Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
