i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
