O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm really busy with my period
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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