just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
