i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
