i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
