Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
