My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
