she looked like the before picture.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
